Monday, April 12, 2010

Jae Millz Will Never Pop, Nicki Minaj Goes A** Out, Young Money's Groupie Looks Flabby & Sick

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we look back at the week and witness a Young Money invasion with Jae Millz putting Lil Wayne to shame with irrelevant disses, Nicki Minaj's first album single/music video being a**, Kat Stacks failing as mini-Superhead and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of]

1. Freshmen Year

LMFAO. D*mn, no bullsh*t, y'all are really gonna miss me when I'm long gone from here, so hopefully my words and harsh criticisms stick with some of y'all doggies. But enough of that sappy sh*t, let's go ahead and get right into it, Jae Millz...SMFH. Are you serious? First off, the fact that anybody would even want to interview Weezy's New York roommate connect is a f*cking joke by itself. Like, seriously? But then, to think you're saying some educated-but-street gems by literally sh*tting on the XXL Magazine Top 10 Freshmen of 2010 list? SMFH. Let's start from the beginning, please.

"I don't feel no sort of way about me not being in the Top 10 but can't no n*gga tell me that my n*gga Vado ain't supposed to be on that cover or on the flip cover of that XXL Top 10 Freshmen issue," Millz said in an interview. "Can't nobody tell me that, and if you do want to argue with me, you can argue with me about anything because I only know five n*ggas out of the ten n*ggas on that cover. And my ears [are] to the streets...I'm not even gonna say the name of the n*ggas I know, that's gonna single n*ggas out or whatever, but n*ggas know whose supposed to be on that cover and n*ggas know who ain't supposed to be on that f*cking cover...Vado and Cam put out Boss of All Bosses with [DJ] Drama, killed it, they putting out random records, their records coming out every single f*cking week on [DJ] Kay Slay -- so who the f*ck are these other n*ggas? Like just because you think he's a good emo rapper or he's a good backpack rapper, them n*ggas are f*cking wack my n*gga. Don't tell me nothing about my man ain't put in work. If he ain't put in work now, he put in work with me all them years."

^ Hey Jae, here's something to think about too. You know that old a** rapper named Papoose? Yeah, the one married to Remy Ma! You know how many times Kay Slay would play new sh*t from him every Thursday during "The Drama Hour?" And just think, his a** is still a "freshmen" since he's been doing this rap sh*t since 2004-2005 and has yet to drop an album, or better yet, maybe J-Hood? Did you get all uptight with them for not getting shine or screaming to XXL Magazine for not doing a whole campaign with them featured? SMFH. Surely enough, the bloggers and "freshmen" caught feelings and had to address the sh*t.

J. Cole

"I haven't," Cole said when asked if he was familiar with Vado. "But I did see that -- I heard he co-signed him. I don't know who in particular he was talking about and I don't know him but if that's his opinion, that's his opinion. Like, that's how I feel. I don't feel any type of ill will towards him for saying that, if that's how he feels, he's sticking up for his man there."

Nipsey Hu$$le

"'N*ggaz got they pantys in a bunch over that xxl cover....," he wrote Tuesday (March 30) night. "and 4 tha record if u been rappin 10 years and ain't drop yet....its over! -Nh."

Freddie Gibbs

"I don't know jae millz never met him," he wrote on Twitter last night, "never had a conversation,I didn't address it cuz I didn't feel like he was talkin to me."

^ You know what the funny sh*t is? There's no way Millz could have said the sh*t he said and then semi-apologize for it, is there?

"im gettin tired of everybody with this XXL Freshman sh*t!! Smfh," he wrote Wednesday (March 31). " S.O 2 EVERYBODY that was on da Top 10 Cover!! but i only kno @nipseyhussle @JColeNC @jayrock @realwizkhalifa & OJ!! & So do YOU! Happy now?"

^ SMFH. You know, some of y'all ask me why I get so antsy and tight when it comes to these posts but the real answer? F*cking rappers. We saw it with Yukmouth last week and now we're seeing it once again right here. Bottom line? DON'T START NO SH*T, WON'T BE NO SH*T! And after going all the f*ck way in on trashing XXL Magazine, this clown gets shut out of THEIR concert? By Harris Publications? Nah. By Vanessa Satten? Nah. By 5-0 Cent? SMFH.

"F*ck ALL New Jersey Cops!!! Especially the Teaneck Police Department!!!! They just f*cked up my whole nite!! Smh," he wrote late Wednesday night. "I just spent my last 2 hours in a punk a** NJ jail cell!!!!!.. Shoutout 2 Officer J.Abraham Jr for totally f*cking up my night!! Well since now the surprise is ruined!! Might as well let yall kno @Mr_Camron & @VADO_MH was bringing me out 2nite.. Smh punk a** cop had the nerve 2 ask me was my jewelry & Louis Vuitton belt & wallet real!!! smh bet u wish it wasn't!!! RT @PrinceDreManX @JAE_MILLZlmfao was it the fat indian cop named abrahim?

^ I've already wasted enough ink on this doggy, doggies, but let's clear sh*t up real quick and be done with it. This is why Jae Millz is a lame and will never "blow." He's d*mn near 30 at least and Lil Twist has a bigger buzz than you. You're never gonna pop. You brag about a high school diploma and signing a record deal and have been in the game for over 10 years with only a mixtape buzz at best? You're never gonna pop. The only fans you have know you for battle rapping and NO BODY BATTLE RAPS ANYMORE. You're never gonna blow. Mack Maine at least is "president" of Young Money while you're just an employee. You're never gonna blow. You get busted by police and think it's cool to tweet like Jim Jones. You're never gonna pop. Lastly, Harlem, New York fell off after Dipset broke up and Ron Browz did "Pop Champagne." You're NEVER gonna pop.

2. Massive A**, Minor Attack

Sorry doggies, but the title ain't lying, if you were a fan of Nicki Minaj's music before this week, then d*mn, y'all caught a fat a** "L" with the "Massive Attack" single. The record is, well, f*ck it, I'll let y'all decide.

"So-so hot in here, feels like a jungle, yeah/Me don't like boys that dem jumble, yeah/One time bust a shot for my champion girls, tell them guys super size me a combo/Kn-kn-know I got the ammo/That's why I bulletproofed the Lambo/In the Middle East on a camel/Running through the jungle, Rambo/Liberachi tango, swingin on a vine, mango/So call me Simba little mama cause Mufasa couldn't stop her/I'm flying on that choppa just to buy Balenciaga/It's just me & Mr. Me-ah-gi in the Phantom of the opera going Blocka motha------/Got that big rocket launcher."

SMFH. A**, a**, a**. D*mn, it's pretty bad when you think Sean Garrett f*cking Eminem'd this guest feature b/c we all know Nicki is capable of holding her own and for this to be a first single is really a joke. Now, on the flip side, they did make this up when the video premiered. Now this is a moment of truth, is Nicki a** shaking for her "Barbies" or is this sh*t for the fellas?

"We did a mud scene that's gonna be spectacular," she added. "We did a crawling forest scene that was dope. That was shot at night. It's just beautiful. The clothes, the ambience, it's really, really pretty. All the girls that like to play dress-up, they're gonna love this one. We wanted to make it pretty in the dirt. We wanted to have a very crazy contrast. I didn't want to do everything clean. I like the dirt. All that pink stuff looks even prettier in the dirt."

^ Personally, I think this whole sh*t is gonna flop on Nicki because it's all simple mathematics at the end of the day. Women and men. Yeah, she does the t*tty signing and trying to get that female unity or whatever you want to call it for kicks and giggles but the lady rappers ain't buying it, it seems.

"I mean, she's an actor, she majored in drama, right?," Khia said in an interview. "I think she's just an actor, I guess. She's acting, like, she's always in character. I don't know if it's really her. Everybody knows it's me, it's Khia. I don't know if she's Nick, I don't know if she's a Barbie. I tell everybody, we don't have Barbies in the hood. Boos, there wasn't no Barbies sitting on the stoop, love who you are. Hip-Hop is supposed to be real, hip-hop is supposed to be where the real people hang and I think it's a lot of infiltrators coming in..."

SMFH, even though I don't f*cks with Khia, she does have a point. This fantasy sh*t is like a male version of Charles Hamilton's Sonic the Hedgehog. So she's gonna have to really put up some dope a** lyrics in order to get the females to f*ck with her b/c it's a joke at this point. Now being that I'm all about seeing things 50/50, let's get a male perspective on this bubble a** gum sh*t.

"[Laughs] Sheesh. I would go with Nicki right now," Lloyd Banks said in an interview. "Yeah, I like her as an artist. We came up in the same era, we were around the same age so I'm pretty sure one of her influences was probably Lil Kim and nothing is really reminding of the impact Kim had, since Nicki came. To have a concert and have a hundred Nickies in the front row... not too many new artists come and have a following like that. So you definitely have to acknowledge that."

^ See, here's the Catch-22, yeah, you can call Nicki the new Lil Kim but then you lose respect for her raps. After Hardcore dropped in '96 and Biggie Smalls died, it was a wrap for Kim. Do fellas really want to see Nicki's new video because she can spit on the mic or b/c they want to see her camel toe t*tties a** shake assets?

3. Groupie Love

Now as much as I ran run my mouth off about YM, I can't fake, this Kat Stacks chick is getting on my f*cking nerves already even though she's airing out them boys. Maybe it's because every thing she says sounds like it's coming out the mouth of some fake a** highschool girl who bragged about giving some, giving some to the star football jockey. SMFH. Wait, y'all don't know who @KatStacks is? LMFAO. Roll film, please.

"For those who don't know who I am, I am Kat Stacks. I'm the girl that has the whole Internet going nuts. I'm the one who exposed the whole Young Money click and you know why they call them Young Money? Because they ain't got no grown a** money. They all motherf*cking roommates in a dirty motherf*cking carpet a** apartment. Mack Maine claims he's the CEO but he's roommates with JAE MILLZ and Gudda Gudda.......Also, Lil Twist is not under 18. He's 18 years old, I had seen his ID, I f*cked the n*gga myself. BLAH BLAH BLAH."

^ SMFH......and then what?

>"What's up y'all. Yesterday my Twitter page got hacked supposedly by Joe Budden"S" and someone paid him to get my page hacked but too bad I have motherf*cking connections...Joe Budden's number is BLAH BLAH and Little d*ck Twist number is BLAH BLAH and I read Nelly's page.....Holla at Lil Wayne, BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Honestly, I can't transcribe half the sh*t coming out of Kat Stacks' mouth but it just goes to show you that there are really chicks out there doing grimy a** videos just trying to get their sh*t popping. SMFH. If this is true, isn't there something wrong with Bow Wow, Young Money, Nelly and whoever else she "f*cked" if they find her even remotely attractive? SMFH. The videos speak for themselves but in honor of this groupie's loud a** mouth, here are a few dedication clips I have submitted for Kat Stacks.

4. The End Is Near

Finally, this "Drake-Over" seems to be almost done. Sh*t, it's official that the Young Money team is incapable of putting together out a hot a** first single for ANY project, especially that "Prom Queen" sh*t Weezy did last year and still managed to get y'all to f*ck with. But turns out the Thank Me Later album is not only practically done, but there is EVEN a f*cking release date! SMFH. D*mn, two big announcements that probably made everybody breathe a sigh of relief.

It's official. The most anticipated hip-hop album of the yearfinally has a release date. Drake's debut Thank Me Later will arrive on May 25, has learned. Drake will travel across the country performing material from the album on his first headlining trek, "The Away From Home Tour," kicking off April 9 at Penn State University, and wrapping in Houston on May 20, a few days before the record's release.

^ No disrespect, but how the f*ck does Rap-Up get "credible" authenticity? Sh*t, I guess they might really have connects. But if it wasn't enough that y'all got a date, Drake takes the time to write a boring a**, intellectual and so-called "vivid" description of completing the project. SMFH.

"The sun just came out. I mean I haven't seen it yet cause I am in the studio but I know it did. So good morning," he wrote Wednesnday (March 31). "I am working on the last song forThank Me Later. What a different journey it's been this go round. I wish I could share so much more with you but there are just too many new people involved who have dedicated their time to "the reveal". Should I just post the entire thing up now and say no the methods and yes to the mayhem???? Ha. I'd love too, but this is something special that I feel needs to be delivered to you in the way you deserve it to be. Remember the days of well thought out visuals, album thank you's, funk flex rants, all the things that came with the release of a new album, the things we'd look forward to...well I hope I can make you remember. I've worked hard on this body of work and I feel like every artist involved has given me their absolute best. I cannot wait till it's yours. The relief I will experience on release day will be euphoric. I look in peoples eyes and see not so much the doubt, but the uncertainty, the question that looms...and whatever the answer is I think we're both ready for it. These overwhelming moments are to be cherished. On that note fond readers, I will see u soon somewhere along the way. Mr. Walters pull the car around front...its time to go home."

^ LMFAO! Does he really fool people by saying he doesn't want to drop the sh*t right now for free b/c he wants to build the anticipation? SMFH. This doggy has been talking about wanting to sell a million copies since his a** got Sylvia Rhone'd last summer, like it's not about the f*cking numbers, LMFAO! Gotta give Drake props though b/c besides that minor a** Kia Shine controversy, doggy really hasn't had to deal with a lot of hate or even doubters besides myself and DJ Kay Slay. LOL. Y'all say this guy is the future of this rap sh*t but I just don't see it. At the end of the day, he can do a dope a** hook and put in a few catchy lines, so the f*ck what? Not trying to sh*t on him before he even drops but is the rap "game" really gonna switch the tide b/c of him, and please stop with the "you'll thank him later" bullsh*t b/c that's just an excuse for your album to be a** and you to say that we'll come around to appreciating it EVENTUALLY. SMFH. Until I see what the cover itself looks like, I'll just shut the f*ck up for now.

5. "STFU" Honors

D*mn, sh*t, f*ck, it's already April and we don't have 5-0 Cent getting into any Rick Ross beefs yet? SMFH, guess we just have to settle for these funny a** Twitter disses courtesy of Fabolous and Jim Jones, huh? LMFAO. Bullsh*t to the front, it's that time doggies where we put your favorite artists on blast in the "Shut The F*ck Up" section. This week, we got Kay Slay acting like he still takes the F-Train to work, Alfamega admitting he's a** on the mic, Rosa Acosta losing her hair and English vocabulary talking about Maino and more!

1. DJ Kay Slay

"At the end of the day, I like the kid's music but I'm not a heavy fan of his because I'm from the streets," Slay said in an interview. "I like that real street gutter spin, but he caters more to the ladies."

2. Alfamega

"He know who I am and he know what I do. So I'm not - No disrespect to these dudes, it's no disrespect period to these dudes, but I'm not Shawty Lo, I'm not Ludacris, and I'm d*mn-sure not Lil Flip."

3. Ludacris

"Diddy, yeah yeah yeah, we have a bet going on," Luda told television host Chelsea Handler. "We both have five number one Billboard singles on the charts so we're trying to see who is gonna get that sixth one. [Who will win?] Oh come on now, you know, I'm down for it. [laughs]"

4. Rosa Acosta

"There's a difference between being simple and cheap. I will not wear something that is fake, so I will wear whatever I can afford. If I can afford Forever 21 shoes, that's what I am going to buy. And anyway, I was unaware that they could give lessons about women's shoes in prison."

5. Olivia

"I can't give you no scoop, but right now it's four labels vying for my attention," she said in an interview. "I got a lot big things in the works and I haven't touched on my Vh1 show. I can't talk too much about that, but the girl will be on fire this summer. I'm about to be shutting a lot of people down, I'm excited. I just gave you the best insight, I told you it was on Vh1. [Laughs] You probably thought I was going to be on the Food Network channel or something. Nah, I can't tell you [more details than] that, I'm under contract. [Laughs]"

***SMFH, d*mn, I missed out on having a wild a** April Fools' Day Pulse Report by ONE DAY??? D*mn!!! So yeah doggies, this had to be a special Young Money edition dedicated to all of y'all who don't know whether to wear red tight pants or go to Toys R Us and buy some Barbie dolls. SMFH. And warning to the wise, commenting is always recommended, but not necessary, so feel free to air the f*ck out of this section but Pulse Report and Caption Diss is Bulldog Butter approved, don't associate me with the SOHH News, TV, Sales Wrap, Photo of the Day, etc. It's BB in this b*tch, get at me and enjoy the weekend y'all. And while I'm at it, did @CloFresh disappear completely off the f*cking Internet? LMFAO! --BB***

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