Monday, May 24, 2010

Lil Wayne's Jail Time Is A Joke, Nicki Minaj's $100K Sex Tape For Sale, Lloyd Banks' "Beamer" Crashes

In this week's Pulse Report, doggies, we lock and load seven days back to feel like dumb a**es for taking Lil Wayne's jail time serious, learn about Nicki Minaj's sex tape hitting the market, try to understand how Lloyd Banks' "Beamer, Benz or Bentley" remix got so f*cked up and oh SOHH much more!

[Editor's Note: The views of this column do not necessarily reflect those of]

1. The Joke Is On You

D*mn doggies, for a few weeks I really took this guy Little Weasel serious. No f*cking bullsh*t. I even did a shout-out on here talking about his street credibility being upgraded since his a** is really behind bars. Well, no worries about the cred being taken away, I'm just in shock of how dumb we all look for taking this whole act like it's a scene straight outta Shawshank Redemption where Wayne is fighting for his dear life to make it another day. SMFH. The amount of tributes, shout-outs and "reaction" stories @sohhdotcom, @allhiphop, @mtvnews, @vibe, etc, etc have actually made me shake my head in disgust. Actually, not even in disgust but in just shock that we have put more emphasis on this guy's jail break than other sh*t going on in the world like the Tennessee flood, Gulf of Mexico oil disaster or the latest Kat Stacks video rant. LMFAO. F*ck it though doggies, it's rap. Let's see how many of your favorite rappers had words of "wisdom" to give Wayne.


"Wayne is a trooper," Diddy said in an interview. "Wayne is doing great...I live in New York. It wouldn't have been right if I didn't go see him and check on his health and well-being. But the status of where that's at, that's his personal business...I think we gonna miss a certain energy that Wayne has...I'm just happy he doesn't have to do a lot of time and that he'll be out, and hopefully he'll use the time wisely and use it in a positive way."

Lil Twist

"We'll be fine because [Wayne] has such a big name and now we have three of the hottest stars in the world, including Drake and Nicki, so we can't lose. We're gonna continue to run this game. This whole experience has taught me to stay humble and not to get in trouble. I don't even think my bro did anything wrong. With him being who he is and doing what he does, he needs protection, but there's different rules in every spot so we're gonna just make it through.....I just want him to be proud when he sees me. I love my bro."

Gudda Gudda

"I talk to [Wayne] probably about two to three times a week," he revealed in an interview. "I let him know about everything that I've been recording and basically, he just tells me to keep going. [Wayne] is behind me 100 percent. He calls me with a lot of ideas and I execute them. I just go in the studio, knock it out."

Jay Sean

"Either Baby will go in one week and Slim will go the other week. His boys will go and see him. [Wayne is] good. He's doing well. I think the hardest thing for Wayne right now is not being in the studio. That's it. That's probably the only thing; he's probably dying to spit.....Hopefully he's not getting into any trouble. They say he's getting better and better. He's more positive. He can't wait to come out."

^ LMFAO!!! Are these doggies f*cking serious? Wayne is a trooper? Wayne is your bro? Wayne calls Garbage Garbage Gudda Gudda more than his baby mamas? SMFH!!! Stop it, doggies. Really? I could let March slide since he went in early, maybe even a few weeks from April, but it's f*cking May 21st and there are still questions about how these guys feel about Wayne being in jail? SMFH. Unless they took the dumba** Drake approach and said is was a conspiracy, then just shut the h*ll up with your walk down memory lane a**es. SMFH. Aight, so maybe I'm a little bit hyped, but after hearing Wayne brag about Rikers Island and play down his a** getting busted on some BREAKING NEWS bullsh*t with the MP3 player this week, I have no sympathy for this doggy.

"Ain't too much, I got in a little trouble and whatnot, you feel me," Wayne added about being caught with headphones and a MP3 charger. "Yeah, they tried to bang me with that. ... But I can't live without my music, Scoob. You know how it is, man. I needed my music. It's all good. I had to take my little slip up. I ain't trippin'. Players f--- up."

^ SMFH. Even though we know he's lying out of his fake a** teeth mouth about having a penthouse, you can't help but be mad as sh*t about his excitement over the phone from RIKERS ISLAND. SMFH. Doggies, between y'all and me, I've never been locked up before but even when my a** was in detention back in the old days and I missed my bus, I was STILL scared as h*ll to call my friends' parents for a ride home. So doggies, don't let this media hype and all these "reaction" stories throw you off, Wayne's a** got off lucky and he is having the time of his life right now behind bars. No sympathy.

2. Cash 4 A**

LMFAO!!! D*mn, this Barbie doesn't even have an album out yet and she's getting caught up in some f*cking sex tape rumors? LMFAO!!! Who does she think she is? Cassie? LOL. Well, in all fairness, Cassie did drop her Bad Boy 2006 dud before being completely shelved and getting those coochie photos out. F*ck it, let's keep it moving. Turns out Nicki Minaj is the latest entertainer to have some XXX-treme sh*t circulating on the Internet or getting "ready" to circulate on the Internet if the price is right. $500? $1000? $100,000? LMFAO!! WTF!?!?! MediaTakeOut says what???

Oh mee . . . oh MYYYY!!! just got a PRIVATE SCREENING of a new EXPLICIT VIDEO - starring what appears to be a young NICKI MINAJ. The tape, which shows VERY EXPLICIT AND GRAPHIC scenes, was supposedly made a few years ago, before Nicki got hot. And in it it shows Nicki Minaj (or someone that looks a LOT LIKE HER) doing all kinds of freaky stuff. The people who had the tape are looking to sell the contents for $100,000. Obviously we ain't that kinda BREAD . . . but according to them, they've already got one person lined up to pay the price. As soon as they negotiate the deal, they'll allow us to post an excerpt.

^ Normally I don't post the rumor sh*t and really don't go outside of what @sohhdotcom has covered for Pulse Report, but too many FaceBook doggies are talking about this so we have to put it down. $100,000 for a sex tape of Nicki Minaj? LMFAO! Can't lie, even though that's f*cking chump change when you think about Kim Kardashian pulling out with a million or something for that Ray J sex tape to get released, if this comes BEFORE Nicki got the a** plants, nose job, fake teeth, etc, etc, then sh*t, the going price was probably $25K to start with. Even though I don't f*ck with porn like that, I WOULD pay a grip to get the tape just to bring it to one of her concerts to sign. LMFAO. *Searches Google For Nicki Minaj Sex Tape Leak*

3. What Happened To That Boy?

Before we get the "F*ck G-Unit" co-signs/disses going, let's be clear. Sha Money XL is probably the ONLY person in that camp who is actually not in the red and may be able to make some money over at Def Jam b/c from hearing Lloyd Banks' "Beamer, Benz Or Bentley" remix it's d*mn there evident no one knows what the f*ck to do when you have a hot a** record. F*ck it, it's true, I said the "Beamer" sh*t was aight at best, but then to REMIX it with a beat that sounds more boring than your parents on the sh*tter? SMFH.

"I had about six different beats," Banks said. "Just sitting with 5-0 [Cent], he brought it to my attention to try and change the element a little bit. Being that already 40 or 50 artists already rapped on the [original] beat, it's kinda hard to decipher what's the real remix. If they all rapping to the same beat, you can just patch it with the other 40, 50 artists and make a mega-mix and not know what the official remix is. The beat change lets people know off the rip 'This is the official remix.' I'm pretty sure they'll be blending the original beat in with it anyway."

^ I should have KNOWN f*cking 5-0 was behind making the beat sound horrible as f*ck. SMFH. Y'all want to know why this sh*t is a flop already? It's b/c it came out last Friday and ain't getting radio play on the stations today. SMFH. Banks must think he's in chill mode still b/c if he hasn't heard, EVERYONE has hot sh*t out right now. Eminem's "Not Afraid," Rick Ross' "Super High," Diddy's "Hello, Good Morning" are all better than that soft-a** remix. Banks still rips his sh*t lyrically but it's the fact that he uses a new beat, same chorus and then puts a dope a** rapper like Jadakiss on and then f*cks things up with The-Dream and Yo Gotti. SMFH. Actually, Banks even did a break-down of why he went with these four doggies. SMFH.

The-Dream: "I had spoke to couple of different R&B artists. That's an element that I think helps. Everybody wants to be a part of that record. I don't think it has to be kept to one lane. I've heard Spanish versions to [the original], Jamaican versions to it, Haitian versions to it. I got a feel of what the melodic feel would bring to the record. The-Dream, he was already doing [his own version]. Once I caught wind of it, I was like, 'Yo, let me get that. Don't put that out.' "

Yo Gotti: "Yo Gotti, I had spoke to him directly. I spoke to him a couple times, told him I wanted to get something done with him. Before that opportunity presented itself, the [song] bubbled all down South in Memphis. I was like, 'Let's get Gotti on it.' He has the street in a chokehold. We'll probably have more records come in the future also. He definitely has a lane, man, and I wish him luck."

Ludacris: "Luda, that's the homie, man. Just through that, [it] wasn't really nothing [difficult]. Luda is out there bubbling, platinum plaques and all that, #1 records, where I'm trying to take it. Shout-out to Luda and shout-out to [Disturbing Tha Peace co-founder] Chaka [Zulu] for making that happen."

Jadakiss: "That wasn't nothing. That wasn't nothing but a phone call. I spoke to him a few times about the record. I had his verse for a minute. I had his verse while I was overseas and everyone was leaking their versions. We built the beat around his verse. He adds that extra, that lyrical element, that New York City vibe to it. I didn't want to stand alone on that joint."

^ LMFAO!!! Here's why Banks FAILED. If you do a remix, do it right when the "Beamer" sh*t is losing steam. Basically, you waited so long that Eminem laid it to rest and it could never be brought back to life. Second, HORRIBLE A** FEATURES. We'll let you slide with Jada, but Luda hasn't spit good since Release Therapy on that "Screw Up" record, and you should be ashamed of yourself for f*cking with Dreamcast and Your Got. SMFH. Last, CALL SWIZZ BEATZ for any remix b/c that beat you used sounded like something from an old Nintendo 64 game. SMFH. You're done, Banks, sorry b/c you were always my favorite, doggy.

4. You're Broke, Twisted & Girl Is A H*e

Peedi Crakk Crack. LMFAO. No bullsh*t doggies, I almost want to skip this section and go right into "STFU" Honors just b/c I feel ignorant for even giving this doggy some shine up in here. F*ck it, let's keep sh*t a hundred and explain, simply, why Peedi CRACK is being examined. First off, he decided since he got his a** released from jail, he'd go off and start saying some sideways reckless sh*t that wasn't "intentionally" dissing Jay-Z, but left the impression that he was. NO RESPONSE. Well, now that Crack man realizes Jay didn't respond to viral videos, he decides to start talking with ANYONE who will listen, record and write up the bullsh*t allegations he "now" has to make:

"I want to clarify that [Jay] doesn't steal anyone's songs," he said, "He steals swag, ideas, concepts--whatever you want to call it...Jay doesn't just straight-up jack you for a song. He's just smooth with it. You ever listen to Young Chris rap and then go back and listen to Jay? You almost start to scratch your head. The old Jay-Z never rapped like that. That's Young Gunners flow to the tee. There are actually people that don't know that that [the whisper rap] was [Chris'] flow. I don't understand why Jay don't just say that he got the swag from the young bull...Jay has no swag of his own. He has no natural cool n*gga style. But at the end of the day he has his own path to craft just like we all do and I'm all about making sure my path is full of positivity and creativity."

This, in turn, forces Peedi to fall back and see what rocks get turned over and see what happens. Well, as it would turn out, Just Blaze decides to speak up and give Crack some shine by addressing these swagger-jacking claims.

"I don't really indulge in family squabbles, making them public. The way I look at it everybody feeds off everybody and everybody works together. What we did was make something great and we had a good run," he explained in an interview. "Rather than sit there and squabble about who took what from who, and who did who wrong, it's really no point in feeding into it because I could sit there and point out a million things that people in that situation did wrong...and I know a lot of things we did right. So the way I look at everybody ended up kind of like where they are supposed to be and if they didn't end up where they felt like they're supposed to might be their own fault."

^ NICE, it's done! Just says everybody was family and that's the end of it, right Peedi? No? How come? Oh, b/c Young Chris "now" has to get involved since you sideways name checked him and forced him into a situation against his boy, Jay-Z. SMFH.

"It's family, we all in the family," he explained in an interview. "We work off each other's vibes. That's how some of our best, best records came out. You gotta think when we was in the studio at the time it's pressure. Everybody that's in there gets busy, from me to Peedi to muthaf*ckin' Beans to Jay, Freeway, and it was like really a lyrical war in there. So when I say steel sharpens steel, I just mean we all fed off each other...Everybody got their own opinions and all that sh*t...You know I can't get around it evidently right. I just tell people, quality and quantity, as long as I keep delivering, I'ma get past the comparisons. I think I'll be alright out here."

^ SMFH. See why this rap sh*t is a joke, doggies? I have yet to get any responses to rappers about getting interviewed for Pulse Report, but trust, when/if they do, we won't allow a platform for the bullsh*t. I won't blame the sites for covering it b/c in all fairness, Peedi was with Jay at the Roc and even when they were doing their thing in 2005, but these Philly rappers need to calm the f*ck down and call up Freeway or Chris b/c at first everyone was mad at Dame Dash. Then Dame Dash goes broke and now the fingers get pointed to Jay-Z. SMFH. D*mn, maybe instead of doing the wack a** State Property movie acting, they should have took Kanye's lead and spent time behind the boards. Actually, it's kind of funny when you look at it b/c it seems like the only ones still caking off those Roc-a-Fella days is Just Blaze and Kanye West, the PRODUCERS. LOL. No further remarks on Peedi, just had to let y'all see how much f*ckery goes on with these doggies trying to use name drops and disses to get the moguls to pay them attention. D*mn, anyone seen Beanie Sigel or that "Empire State of Mind" remix diss he said Jay had recently? I wonder where he could be, hmmmmmmmm...........

5. "STFU" Honors

LMFAO!!! FINALLY! Yes, doggies, @Mr.BulldogButterworth's favorite section is back for another week of your favorite RAPPERS saying sh*t that should just put them in "Shut The F*ck Up" Honors detention FOR LIFE! From Nas not knowing if he really thinks rap is dead to Kanye West really making us click away from his t*tty and a** website if we're under age to T-Pain, Lil Cease and Swizz Beatz...d*mn, we have it ALL! LOL!

1. Nas

"[Rap] died several times, but I do believe in the heartbeat of it right now," Nas said in an interview. "There are a lot of new artists, and artists that have been around, who are kicking a** right now. I just wanted to give a boost to people and to myself, to push people to go harder. It's a different world now."

2. Kanye West


3. T-Pain

"Revolver is coming," he promised in an interview. "We're just trying to see...It's hard to sell records unless you're Susan Boyle, I guess. Nobody is selling records. I should compete on 'American Idol' the way they're selling records when they come off of there."

4. Lil Cease

"Nicki ain't really got too much competition out there. Ain't too many female rappers out there. But she's a female, one that's bringing the sex appeal back to it. No matter what Kim talked about, she had the appeal to it. Kim would dress up. She looked like a lady. Kim could rap about the hardest thing ever, but she would still dress up: hair done, she still got on the flyest stuff. Nicki is kinda taking it to that same mind frame. She's having fun with it too."

5. Swizz Beatz

"'On To The Next One' was definitely for my album," Swizz revealed in an interview. "It was the last song on Jay's album. He's Jay-Z, so I don't mind falling back and playing the producer role. That also happened with the 'Iron Man' song for Busta. My three year-old son came up with the concept for the song simply by playing with his Iron Man toy, in the studio. Now they are playing that song on the radio. I respect Busta. He is a great friend beyond the music, so I let him have it."

***LMFAO!!! D*mn doggies! Funny sh*t this week, but what's goodie with all these albums getting pushed the f*ck back? Sh*t, sounds like Kanye and them boys are gonna be dropping later instead of sooner, but we still got hot sh*t ready to drop thanks to Eminem. D*mn, anyone have guesses yet on what Drake is gonna sell? Hate to say it, but I really think no matter what he sells, it'll be looked at as a failure. Doggy just couldn't take the heat and I think he's doing his best to act like he's content. Come on, doggies, this guys can't catch a break. Didn't @sohh say something about Jamaica officials getting mad at his music video "Find Your Love?" LMFAO!!! D*mn, he can't even accidentally get away with sh*t, huh? We'll see how sh*t turns out, b/c at this rate, I'm still guessing he does that 150 to 200K mark. Apologies, even though I don't like to give them out, about the absence from getting back at some of y'all, baby mama drama is under control but I'm in the middle of getting myself a Dell laptop, so prepare for all h*ll to break loose soon. LOL. Stay up doggies, I see y'all!!! --BB ***

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